I've learned this lesson MANY times, and yet I continue to sell myself short when it comes to giving more than I'm getting back... STILL. After everything I've gone through, I let my imagination run the show and don't pay enough attention to reality.
Damn it, Athena.
I deserve to feel disappointed... I won't learn any other way.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I use the F word a lot in this one...
Its midnight... I just got into Little Rock.... I erroneously assumed there would be some sort of Starbucks or other deliciousness to appease me during my 8 hour drive... I spent 5 hours driving through po-dunk fucking Louisiana and Arkansas... I almost ran out of gas... As I was driving on the 2 lane (total) highway through po-dunk fucking Louisiana I got another mother fucking speeding ticket.... I was going 63, he clocked me at 70... He was wrong... I know this because I had 5 miles left of gas, I had seen nothing but corn and pepper fields for 34 miles and so I was super hyper focused on staying between 60-65 MPG (heard that is the best gas mileage?)... I cried SO HARD to the cop that I think he almost cried, but he still gave me the mother fucking speeding ticket... Cerberus the psychopath thwarted my efforts.... I did not run out of gas.... I never found a Starbucks... I cried SO HARD for the next 2 hours... my phone died... my phone re-charged... my phone GPS did not work... I got scared.... Nyx saved me from certain backwoods hillbilly murder death by sending me directions... I was so emotional and Cerberus was such a psychopath that I didn't dare stop for food... Its midnight... I just got into Little Rock... and I've had a total of 2 slices of bread, 1/4 cup of tomato sauce, 1 Starbucks from 8 am and 6 fiber crackers.
I.... AM....STARVING....
I.... AM....STARVING....
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
My dream man
So, I’ve been wrought with conflict over the last 6 weeks... conflict, confusion, craziness… I’ve had all of these freaky weird situations come up where I’m being hit on by all the wrong kind of men… and (seriously unbeknownst to me) have been pretty much flirting with any man, woman or child within reach.
Where is this all coming from? My theory is that my recent plan of Fabulosity (which has been going more slowly than expected, but its still going strong) has ignited a sense of confidence that hasn’t been unleashed in a while... like YEARS. Let’s be honest, HWSNBN did a fine job at stomping me down and crushing my spirit. From convincing me that I’m a shitty singer, to the fact that I’m ugly, to… well, you get the picture. No need to re-live it. Well, I’ve had this new sense of confidence and that has translated into me APPARENTLY going buck wild in the flirting department and its caused a whole heap of trouble. From the Fedora situation (which I DO NOT want to discuss, thank you) to the WRONG people hitting on me (seriously, you’re my friend, back the eff off) to just a whole lot of other stupidity on my behalf.
So, after a chat with a good friend, I really took a look at who I want as my future mate… and I came to a startling conclusion. I think that what I want is possibly unattainable! UNATTAINABLE!!! I seriously and honestly want a hybrid combo of Will Scheuster from GLEE and Eric Northman from True Blood. Let me break it down for you, and by the way, all of the following characteristics are REQUIREMENTS:
Will Schuester:
• Loyal, kind, loving, compassionate, loyal (yup, got that one in there twice), genuine, loves children, dorky, somewhat insecure at times, sweet, tender and probably the most important of all... LOVES TO BREAK OUT INTO SONG AT VARIOUS POINTS THROUGHOUT THE DAY (hello! Thats SO me!)
Eric Northman:
• Evil, diabolical (similar, but not the same), perverted, HOT, egotistical and probably KILLER in bed (again, that's SO me! - kidding, but I'm up for the challenge)
How do these 2 people fuse together into the perfect man for me? I"M NOT SURE ITS possible, but its what I want. Unfortunately, I have a strong desire and tendency to go pick off the low hanging fruit, which is the Eric Northman’s of the world… and I understand that these are not real people.
… To hope, to dream.
Where is this all coming from? My theory is that my recent plan of Fabulosity (which has been going more slowly than expected, but its still going strong) has ignited a sense of confidence that hasn’t been unleashed in a while... like YEARS. Let’s be honest, HWSNBN did a fine job at stomping me down and crushing my spirit. From convincing me that I’m a shitty singer, to the fact that I’m ugly, to… well, you get the picture. No need to re-live it. Well, I’ve had this new sense of confidence and that has translated into me APPARENTLY going buck wild in the flirting department and its caused a whole heap of trouble. From the Fedora situation (which I DO NOT want to discuss, thank you) to the WRONG people hitting on me (seriously, you’re my friend, back the eff off) to just a whole lot of other stupidity on my behalf.
So, after a chat with a good friend, I really took a look at who I want as my future mate… and I came to a startling conclusion. I think that what I want is possibly unattainable! UNATTAINABLE!!! I seriously and honestly want a hybrid combo of Will Scheuster from GLEE and Eric Northman from True Blood. Let me break it down for you, and by the way, all of the following characteristics are REQUIREMENTS:
Will Schuester:
• Loyal, kind, loving, compassionate, loyal (yup, got that one in there twice), genuine, loves children, dorky, somewhat insecure at times, sweet, tender and probably the most important of all... LOVES TO BREAK OUT INTO SONG AT VARIOUS POINTS THROUGHOUT THE DAY (hello! Thats SO me!)
Eric Northman:
• Evil, diabolical (similar, but not the same), perverted, HOT, egotistical and probably KILLER in bed (again, that's SO me! - kidding, but I'm up for the challenge)
How do these 2 people fuse together into the perfect man for me? I"M NOT SURE ITS possible, but its what I want. Unfortunately, I have a strong desire and tendency to go pick off the low hanging fruit, which is the Eric Northman’s of the world… and I understand that these are not real people.
… To hope, to dream.
I'm BACK!
Good LORD its been a helluva month. Absolutely crazy at every turn. Every minute of every day was PACKED in MAY with bridal showers, bachelorette parties, corporate meetings, weddings... OH... WEDDINGS...
First of all, let me start by saying that the wedding of my dear, sweet HEMERA was absolutely beautiful. For someone as strikingly beautiful (on the inside and out) as HEMERA is, I didn’t think it was possible for her to be even more beautiful… but she was. Absolute show stopper. It was perfect... and let’s be honest people, she deserved it. HEMERA is one of the most loving, giving, down to earth, humble people you will ever meet and she deserved this wonderful night.
Of course, I probably over-committed myself and ran myself ragged between all of the personal commitments (7 hours away) and massive business commitments, but I made it through and I’m not looking back.
For HEMERA’s bachelorette party, we threw a “Booty Parlor” party… aka sex toy party. Our Bootician drove 3 hours for the party, and as the evening wrapped up, I realized that she didn’t have a whole lot of orders and didn’t make a lot of money… So what did I do? Spend more money on sex toys than my rent (not really, but it was a lot). So today, I got my order from FedEx and after they dropped the PALLET of sex toys off at my house, I realized I may have overdone it a bit. I couldn’t stop laughing… What the hell am I going to do with all these damn things (other than the obvious)? Seriously, I don’t even have the energy to open the boxes...
On a completely UNRELATED note, I made up with HERMES! Woot! He called last week (or the week before? I don’t remember) and apologized (like really apologized, not a crappy "I'm a dude and dont know how to say I'm sorry" apology) and I cried and cried and cried… Poor dude grew up with all brothers and probably isn’t used to chicks crying all the time, but I’m a crier, its what I do and he deserved it. I missed him. Lots. I’m not sure our friendship will ever be the same, but I’m glad to have the Herm hole filled for now… even if just partially.
Overall, by the time June 1 rolled around, my effing Giving Tree was so worn down, I felt like the stupid "boy" not only sat on my stump, but paid a team of dendrologists to grind out the roots. If I had any limbs left, I would have bitch-slapped the "boy"... Yes, the "boy" is a metaphor for my life... but now the month is over and I'm regenerating. Sounds so hokey but true.
First of all, let me start by saying that the wedding of my dear, sweet HEMERA was absolutely beautiful. For someone as strikingly beautiful (on the inside and out) as HEMERA is, I didn’t think it was possible for her to be even more beautiful… but she was. Absolute show stopper. It was perfect... and let’s be honest people, she deserved it. HEMERA is one of the most loving, giving, down to earth, humble people you will ever meet and she deserved this wonderful night.
Of course, I probably over-committed myself and ran myself ragged between all of the personal commitments (7 hours away) and massive business commitments, but I made it through and I’m not looking back.
For HEMERA’s bachelorette party, we threw a “Booty Parlor” party… aka sex toy party. Our Bootician drove 3 hours for the party, and as the evening wrapped up, I realized that she didn’t have a whole lot of orders and didn’t make a lot of money… So what did I do? Spend more money on sex toys than my rent (not really, but it was a lot). So today, I got my order from FedEx and after they dropped the PALLET of sex toys off at my house, I realized I may have overdone it a bit. I couldn’t stop laughing… What the hell am I going to do with all these damn things (other than the obvious)? Seriously, I don’t even have the energy to open the boxes...
On a completely UNRELATED note, I made up with HERMES! Woot! He called last week (or the week before? I don’t remember) and apologized (like really apologized, not a crappy "I'm a dude and dont know how to say I'm sorry" apology) and I cried and cried and cried… Poor dude grew up with all brothers and probably isn’t used to chicks crying all the time, but I’m a crier, its what I do and he deserved it. I missed him. Lots. I’m not sure our friendship will ever be the same, but I’m glad to have the Herm hole filled for now… even if just partially.
Overall, by the time June 1 rolled around, my effing Giving Tree was so worn down, I felt like the stupid "boy" not only sat on my stump, but paid a team of dendrologists to grind out the roots. If I had any limbs left, I would have bitch-slapped the "boy"... Yes, the "boy" is a metaphor for my life... but now the month is over and I'm regenerating. Sounds so hokey but true.
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