This makes me sad. I love doucbebag men.. I dont know why, but I LOVE them. For someone that's so conscious to be nice to those around them, you'd think I'd hate them. Nope. Love them. They're kinda like an ice cream sundae, you know they're bad for you, but dang it you love to sink your teeth in every once in a while. I clearly have issues with douchebags in moderation so I've decided to give them up.
Step 1: I called it off with Fedora. Not that he's been a douchebag to me, but lets admit it... the other women in his life dont know about me and he's never put me first, so kinda falls into the DB category. We've been having htis "whatever it is" for over a year now, and he's been nothing but totally honest with me. I've known from the beginning what our deal was and never expected more. Maybe that was the problem? So, Im driving up to meet him recently and just have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. When I got to his place, that weird feeling was gone and we had a few drinks, caught up, and it felt totally normal and I had missed him quite a bit. Then, he kissed me and out of no where I just blurted out. "I cant do this... I want more" As we sit there kinda staring at each other, "Dog Days" (Florence + the Machine) came on Pandora and I realized what I needed to do. We chatted for a while and I just explained that I just cant mentally run around and look for the real thing at that same time. We hugged and I left. I think the universe was speaking to me with the Florence song... seriously. Its my theme song and the timing was like a slap in the face.
Step 2: No more messing around. Equally as sad, but I've never been a one night stand kinda girl and I'm really kinda sick of not making it past 3-4 weeks with a guy. It makes it worse when I've slept with them, not rocket science, so I need to stop. It just confuses my brain
Step 3: Im NOT going to stop giving people (men) the benefit of the doubt. I was recently lectured on this, that I'm too trusting, too honest, and need to stop assuming the best in people. I understand the advice, I hear it, but Im not taking it.
We'll see how this goes. I may need a DB fix soon...
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